Kryptonite

Superman can fly... He can fight off any enemy and prevail with grace, not to mention his hair will remain unscathed and perfect after the mighty brawl. Superman seems to be indestructible, that is until a tiny fragment of a glowing rock known as kryptonite comes even remotely close to the man of steel. Then what? Then he drops to his knees.  I imagine his mind races with fear as he plays out the inevitable play by play. I wonder if he flies around in-between it all wondering if around the next corner lies the mighty enemy that can take him down.  Well, I don't know about any of that especially since he's a fictional character but I'll never tell my kids that. I still point out the streaks in the sky as being him zooming by...They still get excited, well at least the littles do.  I feel like Superman.... Not the Superman that wins all the battles but rather the sad, half dead one lying on the ground waiting for someone to end it all as the kryptonite sucks the life out of him... Dark huh? That's where I am lately. I am exhausted... Utterly exhausted and feel like I am failing in every which way. I'm not keeping the house as clean as I'd like. I'm not as involved with the kids school as I'd like in fact I'm not involved at all. Not one PTA meeting and I'll probably not even go to the school carnival much less help with it... Things bother me now that never would have before and really shouldn't at all.
The other day the kids made a huge deal out of a meal Josh had made. It was delicious and he was quite proud and as the kids made this big deal out of it I became sad. I just kept thinking it's my food that they love, not dads and why is this such a big deal?! I could feel the anxiety come over me as my heart began to race. Right in the middle of this moment I was having Ty and Gianna both said something to the effect that dad is the cook in the house now and I felt the tears in my eyes come to surface. That shouldn't bother me but it did. I should have felt grateful he is enjoying his new smoker and actually taking some of the workload but I didn't, I felt replaced and I'm still here but not really... I'm not really anywhere because I'm spread so thin I can't be anywhere because I'm everywhere but not enough to actually matter. If that can make sense at all.  School is just kicking my butt and that's all there is to it and whats crazy to me is no one seems to notice that I'm falling apart right in front of them. Maybe I am just that good of an actress, maybe I chose the wrong field after all...
Recently a co-worker made it over to talk to me and ask how I was. I told her I was super busy which is my go-to answer but she didn't leave it at that. She actually wanted to know HOW I WAS... I had a hard time telling her that I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and by verge I mean I am actively breaking down right in front of you. She said I was Super Woman, I assured her I was not... As I explained just how complicated things were she just smiled and said I'd get it done.... I fought back tears because I just don't know that I can this time. This time I may just be over my head but instead I smiled and agreed. I say the same things to everyone who asks because for the most part people don't really understand and maybe they don't want to and I can't blame them, it's a lot to take in. My husband keeps reassuring me it will all be worth it... I'm not so sure anymore. I'm struggling in every which way and almost hope I do fail simply because that means I have a way out. That's not me, at least not typically. Thats the exhausted me that has just showed up unannounced and has luggage! I'm worried she will never leave!
She will leave though... I'll make sure of that. I'm trying to kick her out of the pictures as it is. Tonight in class we were being lectured on antibiotics. Some antibiotics have the greatest efficacy as they have consistent levels within the blood to stop the bacteria in it's tracks. Others work well by having a large dose daily as they continue to benefit from the byproduct well after the medication has wore off.  Some kill off the bacteria while others just stop it from growing to allow your own body to create the adequate defense. Sometimes you have to change from one to another in order to completely heal as the infection changes. This stress that I call life is like a vicious bacteria and I just have to find the right antibiotic to treat it. I have already started my healing with diet and exercise to give myself the best platform to gain myself and sanity back. I have large doses of treatment with the help of my friends. I have the best friends. I have the kind of friends who text me on school nights knowing I will likely be stressed and need a pick-me-up. I have friends that call me randomly even though their own life is hectic just to ensure I'm okay. I have friends that send me funny cards for no real reason at all and are prepared to talk me off the ledge weekly without tiring of my complaining. Those are the moments that feed my soul even after the phone call is over and allow me to feed off it for hours upon hours longer. Then I have my family. I have the most amazing family.The consistent dose that remains constant in my system. It comes in the form of hugs and kisses and I love you's. It comes from my husband telling me he knows its hard but has no doubt that I can do it. It comes from him cooking even though it breaks my heart a little because I know I just can't do it alone and I am thankful I don't have to. I may have to change my plan of treatment a dozen more times during the next year but thankfully I have all the treatment I need at my fingertips. Even while typing these words I can only feel happiness as my phone lights up with an encouraging text from a friend. I feel overwhelmed with excitement for what the future holds for me knowing that in just 3 short weeks I will be in a clinic assessing, diagnosing and treating patients just as I said I would over ten years ago. Ten years ago I was starting school to be an LVN and I said way back then I was going to be a Nurse Practitioner and now here I am a year away from that goal. A goal that I could never reach without my family, my friends and my stress... That stress that brings me to my knees is also the same thing that makes me a fighter. It drives me to want to be better, to do better and push harder.  Now let's not get me wrong here, I will keep crying. I will still feel like I should quit and maybe still wish I'd fail just to be done. I will still feel overwhelmed and I will absolutely feel exhausted but I will also feel gratitude. I will feel grateful for the experience I have worked so hard to be a part of. I will rejoice in the fact I have a strong body that I can abuse to get the job done. I will thrive on the stress and appreciate the accomplishments that much more. Lastly, I will be beyond thankful for the people who allow me to rest on their shoulders when I need it the most... I am not Superman. A rock will not bring me down. The only thing that stands in my way of attaining my goals is me and I just won't let her.



Anything worth having is worth fighting for... Keep fighting friends, keep fighting.
Much Love-
D

The Season of my Life

Recently Josh and I were driving along, me on my phone while he tells me facts that are useless to me as I say, "um hu, sure.. ha ha...yep." Then he caught my attention, he says, "I think you should be writer someday."   WHAT? That was random (or at least I think it was, I wasn't really listening) but he goes on to tell me that he always saw me, as being a writer and I should write books or something... "In my spare time?" I say and we both laugh.  He tells me someday, I will be. The truth is I have always loved to write. I love to write poems for no reason at all, from invitations to an event, memories for others and I use to write some pretty dope love letters to my husband. (Yes I said dope, because I am that old).  After we had this very brief conversation it really got me thinking about how calm I am while I write. I don't have to post it, and frankly I don't even need anyone to read it but getting the words out of my head do ease my spirit and I miss doing it.  I miss having the time to do it but who has time when you work full time, take a full load of a masters degree clinical program and then deal with a home, husband and pets... Am I missing something? Oh ya, and five children! It makes me sad but I tell myself the same thing I tell myself every time I pass my unused sewing machine, this is just the season of my life and this too shall pass... or so I hope.

The last time I posted it was June of last year I believe... That's a bit crazy! I reread it tonight and I can remember so well the place I was in while I wrote it.  Once again I was in a self loathing mode always picking myself a part, never feeling quite good enough so I wrote... I wrote until I got to a better place,  I hope that works tonight.

Brief over view since June of 2015.  When I wrote that post I had just found out I was accepted to the Masters Family Nurse Practitioner program. I was both scared and excited but mostly scared. I begged Josh to give me a way out the night before I started. I literally sat on the floor with my head in his lap and sobbed that I couldn't do it. I begged him to agree with me so that I could with good conscience drop it all and just be a nurse, a wife, a mother and not a student... He wouldn't concede to my wishes. In fact he did the polar opposite of what I needed him to do. He reassured me that I was the smartest person he knew and that I was the only person he knew that could do it all and do it well... This just made me realize he doesn't know many people but what choice did I have, I went to class and thus far have straight A's but will see how much longer I can keep that up. I cry regularly, at least weekly just out of pure exhaustion and stress but I keep telling myself this is temporary. This is only one season of my life...

Since last June my kids have the done the craziest thing, they have grown!!! Lets start from the top:

Ty- Age 13, 8th grade. Well, my lovely son has started this horrible habit that will likely get him grounded until he's 30. He talks about high school and college 24-7. He is so excited that high school starts in just a few months and has just registered for all of his advanced placement classes.  He is the Center Snare on drum line and is playing full drum set for the Jazz band. He is shockingly good and works really hard to be better everyday. He is now talking about cars and driving and girls and growing up and jobs and girls and growing up and frankly it's just pissing me off! Where did the time go? He is starting to take the cues of how much I can take before I burst into tears and he is getting better about easing me into it and for that I am thankful.

Ty- 4.0, Principals Award (over achiever if you ask me)

Paris age 10, 5th grade. Paris is turning into a young lady and it's hurting her daddy more than me. As much as I hate her growing up there is part of me that enjoys the new relationship we are gaining. I can talk to her at a higher level now and I can see that she is soaking up everything I say so I am just trying to fill her with as much as I can before she realizes I am making most of it up on the fly. She is slowly becoming more responsible and is beginning to care what she looks like, not enough to wash her hair without me telling her but at least she is interested in clothes and shoes. She adores singing. She just lights up every single time she sings and she's pretty good in this moms opinion so we surprised her this week with voice lessons. She starts next week and it pretty stoked (yes I said stoked, I told you I am OLD). I really look forward to continue to attempt to figure her out while she figures her self out. She is my wild card, I honestly don't know what or where she will end up but I do know wherever or who ever she ends up being with, will be better off for it. She is an amazing, messy young lady.

Me and my big girl on pedicure day

Gianna age 7, 1st grade. Last week Josh argued with me about Gigi being in first grade, he thought she was in third and was dead serious. I guess I'm not the only one struggling to keep it together. Gigi is so very smart and just cracks us up. Josh always says she has the most personality of all the kids, and she really is just a joy to be around. It is almost impossible to break her spirit. Don't get me wrong she whines and cries with the best of them but for the most part she is all smiles and her entire face lights up with every word that comes out of her.  She still drives me crazy at times and I snap. I always feel horrible when I loose my cool with the kids but especially with her because she is so joyful and energetic but thankfully she always forgives me, like 2 seconds later. 

Having a bad day? Call me, I'll lend you Gigi and you will be cracking up I promise.

Then we have the twins...

Charlotte age 3, Pre-school. Miss. Charlie is quite the kid. She is very needy and very, very affectionate. She always wants to be held and snuggled. She routinely asks me, " Mommy, you sit in you chair and rock me baby." She wants to be held like a newborn and be rocked. I pretend to give her a bottle and sing her songs while she fakes she is asleep. She can now count to 12 and pretends to read books every chance she gets. She loves baby dolls, playing with her kitchen set and loves, loves, loves Penny.

Charlie girl, AKA Panda- (because she's fat like a panda) She told Ty today she's a big girl, "I big Ty, look at my fat belly, I get big. I so BIG"

Penelope Layne, age 3, Pre-school. Miss Pen is so very independent. She wants to do everything herself, she only wants snuggles when she wants them and isn't giving them up otherwise. She figures everything out and I am certain plots her "adventures" in advance. She doesn't talk half as much as Charlie but then when she does, I'm like where did she learn all these words? Penny recently had her nephrology check up. She only has the one kidney so we monitor it closely. Every visit is a positive one and I always leave the office feeling great. This year wasn't the same. This time I was told Penny's kidney had not grown at all in the last year. The Doc told me this in the three minutes he was in the room followed up with don't worry, yet.. and that we would check it again next year and then worry if there wasn't change... So of course I didn't give it another thought and will monitor it as he said next year, NOT! No, no, no, I wish I could be that person but instead her little life flashed through my mind and fast forwarded to dialysis and kidney transplants, hospital stays, medications that cause cancer....Then I blinked, smiled at the Doc and said, "Sure, no problem, see you next year." Then I cried most of the way home. When I got home I didn't want to talk about it, I never do. Josh feels the need to tell people about things like this right away but I have to process first. I have to cry, think horrible things, research like crazy, take an anxiety pill, get some reassurance from medical professionals I trust, then and only then I can breathe again because I then let reason take back over. I then know medically children's organs after 3 grow much, much slower. I know that ultra sound measurements can be off and I know that Penny has perfect kidney function. Then the knot in my stomach goes away and I can move on... That's how I deal, it's not the best way or even a good way but this is me every single day about one thing or another.

Penny girl is super tough, afraid of nothing except bed time that is.

These five little ducklings cause me so much grief. My house is constantly loud, not like kids giggling sweetly in that background loud. Not like a warm inviting loud but rather a blood pressure rising, screaming, screeching, whining loud that has driven me to drink earlier in the day. 

My days are long. They start early with getting kids to school then rushing off to work only to come home to make dinner, help with homework, break up fights, prevent melt downs and the stop the tantrums. It has yelling, crying, screaming and has me longing for them all to go to bed so that I can just start my paperwork and then possibly do some homework... ~sigh~ This is only a season of my life.... this too shall pass../

Then I stop long enough to see Penny finally give in to Charlie's 50th request for a hug and Ty and Paris are actually talking without fighting. I see Gianna teaching the babies how to wrap their baby dolls and put them to bed just as Penny takes off to jump on Ty's back. Next thing you know we are all wrestling on the floor, tickle torturing someone and the world is perfect.... In those moments I think, this is only a season of my life and it's just not lasting long enough. 

I received a picture today of a brand new baby that my dear friend had just delivered and I was overcome with joy for her and almost sad at the same time for me. It was the first time since before the twins I had that longing feeling for a new baby. DON'T get me wrong here, I DO NOT want another child but in that moment, knowing I could never have the excitement of a new baby, to know that so many exciting things like first smile, steps, words are all behind me hurts just a little bit. I remind myself, that season of my life is over and just like a season does when one leaves another one blows in. 

I am in the season of loud.

I am in the season of tired.

I am in the season of stretched beyond belief.

I am in the season of amazement.

I am in the season of thankfulness.

I am  in the season of love, in love with my life, in love with my family, friends and opportunities as they present themselves. 

I am in the season of maturity, growing and defining my new season...

I am excited to see what the seasonal change will bring and am grateful that I have so many special people to share it with. I hope to embrace my season because I know that this too shall pass and I know I am certainly going to miss it, so I hope it lasts a little longer.

Much love

Let me help you feel like a better parent...

Well, it has literally been months since my last post and I am okay with that. We have all been so busy! There has been a surgery, a graduation, a kind of promotion, new retainers, lost teeth, potty training, new friends, old friends and of course the usual fighting, biting, hair pulling and screaming...  I am pretty sure we buzzed by some holidays, birthdays and laughs too but I'll make it easy on all of us and just confirm we are all doing just fine and are having a great time in the whirlwind called life.  Now, to the meat....
I always say if you want to learn something well, teach someone else and if you want to feel thin go to the Island water park on any given day. Now I can add to my wisdom and say if you want to feel like an awesome mom ask me about my kids and school!

August 2014- School begins and I am hopeful that we will have an amazing year with Ty starting junior high, Paris starting 4th and Gianna in kinder....

September 2014- Realization sets in... Ty hates his school, misses his old friends, his old neighborhood and wants to move back to that tiny house in Madera.... He gets bullied daily and I cry behind closed doors for not being able to fix it...

October 2014- I hear the voice overhead say, "All awesome moms step forward, not so fast Danneal!"  Paris first conference of the year... I am informed she is basically flunking math and her teacher does have much advice to offer except get a tutor... $250 a month begins to be pulled from my account and two hours a day are dedicated to taking Paris back in forth to her tutor.   How did I not know how bad it was? How could I be so naive to think she'd just get it.... Josh said it best when he sighs and says, "Well, we either pay to fix her now or pay for her forever when she is still living with us at 30!"... Thank goodness Gianna's conference was nothing but rave reviews, I redeem myself a bit...

Novemeber 2014- Paris gets an A on a math test... The only parenting I did to support that A was pay the tutor but it didn't stop me from crying hysterically in the car, like ugly cry in the car so thankful there wasn't something wrong with her brain; which is what I previously thought-------->Danneal, mother of the year---- assumes it's not her fault but rather a physical ailment of her child....

December 2014- Thankful it's the holiday season because I needed a break from the kids school! Ty is still having a rough time, hasn't really made friends and now has completely lost his love of band. He is still a fish out of water and I watch him loose interest in all that he loves. He just seems depressed and I can't fix him. Paris gets her report card and went from an F to a C in math and I was ecstatic... I ignored the fact that the rest of her grades went to B's because she put all her effort into math and when I say her, I mean ME! I didn't care about spelling or reading or the stupid computer program that was suppose to be done at home... I assumed it was more of a "suggestion" to do it verses an assignment... I was wrong again.... I ignored all that and basked in the glory of a C that we both worked pretty darn hard for.  Gianna my little rock star student brought me a home a conference slip and I was happy to go; after all, she is the only one I'm not worried about at the moment... I sat down with Gigi's teacher and it went something like this:

Teacher, " Gigi is wonderfully happy and talkative and a real joy to teach."
Me, thinking, "I know she's awesome, I'm awesome, she will be my successful one."
Teacher, " okay well right now Gigi is reading at an A level"
Me, "Thats great!"
Teacher, "Ummmm no, the other kids are mostly at a D."
Me, " Oh wow thats really great" - at this point I am mom of the year because my kid is a genius!
Teacher, " Ummmmmm no, A is not good, D is good, A is not good it's the lower level, I'm worried about Gigi."
Me- don't cry don't cry don't cry then, "Oh, okay well what do we need to do?"
The conversation ends with the teacher feeling Gigi was a late bloomer and would certainly bloom any moment with some encouragement... Encouragement she was certainly not getting at home, she's the good one, the easy one and basically ignored. I don't even check her homework and if it's left to Josh her back pack would still have Augusts lunch menu in it... I cried all the way to the book store while telling Josh I was the worst mother ever and we have too many kids! I thought about which one I could get the most money for but then realized I might miss them so nixed that idea.

January 2015-  All of my time is spent working, driving to tutors, reading the same box of books over and over again and doing extra workbooks with Gigi to help her reading along------- exhausting.....Ty still hates life.... Oh and I had a major surgery and was in a great deal of pain so I couldn't even enjoy the effects of the pain meds. Its all kind of a blur now but I had to learn to rely on other people for a lot of help and that was extremely hard for me! At least this month I could blame my kids problems on my current disability...

February 2015- Paris is chugging along in math and I still curse in my head the whole way to the tutor everyday.  Ty continued to have problems and I was sick of it. I pulled out all my motherly wisdom and went for parent of the year with this statement, " If that kid messes with you again, you get in his face and PUNK HIM!!!! If he swings you hit back and don't loose! If you get suspended you will not be in trouble at home as long as you didn't start it but you damn better finish it!" Two days later Ty came home to tell me the kid started up again and he stood up to him and said words he could not repeat.... I hugged him, I was proud.... He's now friends with the kid.... As a side note, I did say I did not approve of the language and that was not acceptable but we both knew I didn't mean it... He did what he had to do to stand up for himself. Mother of the year nomination again.....

March 2015- I don't even know how Gianna is doing in school and I don't ask because I don't want to deal with it, I'm tired... She is reading at home and seems better everyday so I live in fantasy world that if I don't know better, it must be fine... Paris now has an A in math and a D in social studies on her progress report.... I can't win and I don't know of a social studies tutor so I decide you never use social studies in real life but she will have to balance a checkbook so I'm taking the A and ignoring the D.  Ty has a birthday and friends... He likes band again and gets a guitar....His grades are great as normal and he seems happy... I hold my breath then cry with relief...

April 2015- Paris turns 10, I cry... I realize how much I cry and blame exhaustion... Then I blame wine, alcohol is a depressant so I give it up for 30 days....

May 2015- Life isn't worth living without wine so I take it back and take my chances with the crying... Ty is awesome.., He loves school, has friends, he got the "hot girls" number and is pretty much on cloud nine. Paris has A's and B's but I'm to tired to care so we get in the car and head to the tutor who she loves... Gianna talks non stop and I can't get a word in edgewise to find out how she's doing but I assume well and I like the way I feel with that so I go with it. She tells me she didn't get her homework folder, for three weeks.... I chose to believe her because I didn't want to do anymore homework, I passed kinder and I just don't want to...

June 2015- Gigi gets informed the day before the swim field trip she can't go because she didn't turn in three weeks of homework....... Ya, I didn't see that one coming.... Had I know that I would have just written some jibber jabber in her folder and passed it off but now I have a 6 year old hysterical because she can't go and everyone else is and it's pretty much my fault for not staying on top of it.. She's six, it was my job to keep her on track and I failed... Thankfully there were enough parents that threw a fit over their child not being able to go that they allowed all the kids to go, disaster averted...

Somehow they have all managed to complete their assigned grades and get out of school tomorrow! Thank goodness!!!In the midst of that the twins got a whole lot bigger and are nearly potty trained. Charlie is a rock star and has had no accidents in a week but knowing my luck I will find pee and poop piles somewhere in the house that she has been sneaking off to and hiding... Penny is doing well but is certainly more defiant. She will go to the potty 95% of the time but once a day or so she likes to  take her panties off and pee in front of the toilet and look at me like, "Go ahead mom, clean that up." I am considering putting down puppy pads. I have high hopes by the end of this week she will stop that but I won't be shocked if she is still doing it in college.

I get asked constantly how I manage everything, how I do it all... The fact is I don't. I slip up and make mistakes and skate by. I figure I have enough kids I really only need one to be really successful to support me when I'm old and the rest are gravy (my money is on Gi).  The truth of the matter is there are some really great moms out there who make mistakes and over look things just like I do and just like I do they beat themselves up over it. WE HAVE TO STOP BEATING OURSELVES UP!!!  Our kids are going to be fine because we show up when it matters. We hug them when their down, we support their needs even when it just plain sucks and we spend half our paycheck in materials to reinforce what their learning at school... Hell, we even clean up pee off the floor then kiss their forehead. So what are a few missing homework assignments, prioritizing grades or a few choice words really gonna do? Nothing!! They will survive too and maybe just maybe they will be better for it and take life with a grain of salt and a bottle of wine, like their mama.

Much love!

Let it Go...

I am an emotional girl... It is what it is... I do not deal with change well despite my efforts to fake it until I do but secretly hate it every step of the way. I hate change until I am use to it and then I don't want it to change again, a vicious cycle no doubt. Last weekend marked a change in our lives that I am still not quite ready for. Last Saturday night I went to bed the mommy of babies and woke up Sunday to be the mommy of toddlers! The twins turned two last Sunday and grew two feet and are now preparing for college... Well, maybe not college but they certainly are growing like weeds. As if that wasn't enough to deal with I woke up Monday to a new six year old! Three birthdays in two days in our house and as happy as my children are, each birthday is a little harder for me to deal with. Mothers of older children, grown children, tell me to enjoy these days because they pass so fast...duh! I know that's why it saddens me so. The days pass so quickly I often forget what day it is!
Sunday morning I realized I will never again rock a new baby at 2am.
I will never again sit in a warm bath holding a tiny body to mine.
I will never again hear the word "mommy" for the first time from a little tiny voice.
I will never again have the first roll over, sit up, and first steps.
I will never again become intoxicated with the smell of a new tiny head resting on my chest.
I will never again have the absolute sense of accomplishment when hushing a screaming baby with my voice or nursing until we are both asleep... Never again...
                                                     Oh how this breaks my heart!
 Josh thinks I am crazy of course as many of you do. I have had people say things to me like, "You have more than enough" or "Your hands are already too full".... I guess their right. I certainly have my fare share of children and my hands are certainly full but that doesn't mean I will miss those precious moments any less. I physically cannot have more children even if I wanted too, in fact it is kind of a miracle I kept the twins in place as long as I did. It isn't even that I want more children I just am not ready to give up being a mommy to littles.
My children are at places now that really put things into perspective for me. I always thought that the first two to three years were the time consuming, difficult years but now I realize the real work comes with my school aged children and all of the challenges growing big kids brings. As the kids get bigger they seem to need me more. They have school functions, water polo, band, tutors, field trips and tons of homework! Now they want my opinion and one on one time. I can no longer get away with sitting them on my lap for a movie because now they want to talk, talk, talk. I am spread very thin now and I can now see why those older moms looked at me with pity when I was pregnant with the twins, now I get it. So I digress....
 I am a big fan of 19 Kids and Counting and not because I think they are crazy and I want to see what happens next but rather because I think they are a wonderful family that many people including myself can take away from. Michelle Dugger recently commented on the fact she can no longer have children and how it does bother her a bit because she loved having babies in the house but now it's a new season of life... A new season of life is exactly what I call this. I am no longer going to enjoy those awesome tiny, sweet smelling moments but I have wonderful things ahead of me. Ty will be in high school soon with changes everyday. Paris is turning into a young lady and that will bring tons of fun ( I hope). Gi will be more and more independent and the twins are learning something new everyday. Good things are coming and I know this because everyday my children bring good things to my life and for that I am thankful...So I let it go...
It is fitting to let it go as that is one of the favorite songs in our home right now by my three littlest ones. The babies will randomly sing "LET IT GOOOOOOO LET IT GOOOOOOOO" and Gianna watches the movies every chance she gets. A week before the kids birthdays we decided to have a small gathering to celebrate. I feel like it was more of a celebration of us surviving another year than anything else. No fancy invitations or party planning, just a quick text message to immediate friends and family with a time and that was that. I wanted to make it easy on us so I ordered sandwich trays and decided to stick with tradition and still do home made cakes because that's who we are. We are low key and simple and try very hard to keep things in perspective. I of course wanted to make some homemade treats for our guests because homemade treats equals hospitable in my book. I like people to know that they are worth my time and effort especially when they go out of their way to work our little events into their schedule. So, I tried my hand at made from scratch lemon bars that were freaking amazing!!! I was so proud of just how yummy they turned out but was shocked by how hard it is to juice a lemon.

We decided to go with a Frozen theme since the bounce house was going to be the Disney Princess version. I didn't go crazy with decorations but I tried to have some fun surprises for Gianna.

So I made sugar cookies that morning so we could have snowflakes on the tables

They were not my best work but were mighty tasty.

My buddy Karen made cupcakes in two amazing flavors and then decorated them special for the girls.

I love that our friends are truly great friends who go out of their way to help, support and love us.

Gigi spent the morning with Karen and Jay so we could make a few things surprises for her. Jay picked her up and packed her around then took her to breakfast. Later they built a birdhouse together.. Gianna was on cloud nine.

I decided to do a candy bar instead of gift bags, mostly because it was easier.

I was shocked over how much the kids loved this little idea.. We have enough candy left over for months to come!

Gianna was so happy to have Gray.

I did make each of the girls their own cake but waited until the last minute to frost which was a mistake! I was so rushed they weren't nearly what I expected them to be but they didn't seem to mind.

Ready to blow out a candle

Charlie loved every minute

Penny looks the same as she did last year

Gianna loved her new bike

The twins loved their new bikes

Gianna's favorite gift.... Bird food for her birdhouse... She really is a nut

Penny didn't understand this whole gift thing but she knew she liked it

Yes that is a Victoria Secret bag because Karen is just that classy... Thank goodness inside were adorable clothes and not VS for toddlers

I should be concentrating on Penny here but I am distracted by Karens muscle arms...She makes me sick, why do all my friends have to be so fit!

Thankfully this day went off without a hitch. I am disappointed I didn't get any pictures with grandparents or even us but I was to busy enjoying the day to take many pictures. The babies had a wonderful time with family and friends and did not have a single meltdown. It was a magical day filled with laughter, good food, good friends and wine, who could ask for anything more...

I am going to let it go... I am going to let go of what I use to have and be thankful for what I currently have. I am going to embrace this new season of life and be excited about what tomorrow brings. What ever it is that holds you back, slows you down and stops you in your tracks, let it go. Life is to short to hold on to the past so move on, let it go and you will be better off for it, I promise. 

Much Love 

Soaring by...

It seems the days are not only flying by but soaring by! Flying and soaring...These words seem to be the same thing but they most certainly are not. Flying goes by quickly maybe without a moments notice and is typically forgettable but soaring implies so much more. Soaring is high above us, quickly moving but demands attention. Soaring is something, to soar is beautiful. That's where I feel I am right now. The days are going by quicker and quicker but not a single one passes without having moments that stop me in my tracks and take my breath away a bit. Of course there are plenty of moments that I''d love to allow fly by like changing diapers and common core math (which I hate with every fiber of my being) but for the most part the days are getting better and better. Everyone is growing like the wild fires happening every other week these days and I am doing my best to enjoy it instead of letting it get me down on how quickly it's happening! Ty is soaring through his first year of Junior High. He is absolutely loving water polo, the drum line and is working hard to keep an A average. Ty as usual adjusted extremely well to the school change this year and has made some new friends. Ty had said he wanted to be a neurosurgeon the last few years but is now changing it up and leaning towards technology. This makes me incredibly happy. It's not that I don't want a doctor in the family but I know how hard that road  would be and I'd secretly love him to have a job that has more flexibility than ten plus years of school and stress. Overall Ty is awesome and creeping up on his 13th birthday. I will be the mother of a teenager in 5 months which is crazy scary but also amazing that I've half way raised such a fine young man. I realized today that I have no new pictures of Ty this month but that's probably because he's always gone! Band, water polo and his friends are definitely taking him away more than I'd like but I love seeing him soar.

Paris is rocking the 4th grade, except for math that is. Paris has always had the toughest time with math and common core has made us both hate it. Despite her troubles in math she is doing very well and of course getting prettier every day. She is still my little writer and so creative. She loves to write fictional stories and I am starting to encourage this is a possible career. She really is remarkable at capturing little details that could so easily go unnoticed. She is also showing a lot of interest in theatre which warms my heart! I'd love to encourage her down the path just because I enjoy it so much but I know deep down that Paris is my wild card child. I really can't pin down what direction she will head and that makes is so hard to watch her grow because I know that there is a good chance she will soar in the opposite direction of home...

Gianna has conquered kinder... Yep she openly states she has 50 friends, her teacher loves her and she is so smart... Humble, maybe not so much but smart for sure. Gigi is of course still talking non stop and holding on to a tooth that has been dangling for about 2 weeks. She states she's keeping it until it decides to fall out all by itself and she will not make it leave her mouth. Well, who can fight with that logic! Gianna is soaring past me but then goes straight up and makes figure eights around me all the while talking and I see no end to that insight!
This month brought many fun things like "Grandparents Day" which made my big girls so very happy!

Mom, being the Grandparent most available was able to take the girls to school and spend the morning with them. Gianna was thrilled her grandma was the youngest one there and Paris was happy to get out of class for a bit. They both couldn't stop talking about it for days.

The twins have taken to swimming, at least in the tub. Our next big change was putting the twins in toddler beds. They are nearly two and were ready for the change. Thank goodness it was a very easy transition! The babies are right on track but have been caught sneaking into one anothers beds but I actually love they find comfort in one another. They are soaring just as beautifully as my big kids. We are off the binkies except in bed and they sit at their big girl table for meals. Charlotte is talking up a storm and Penelope is using the big girl potty now and then which is promising. They are still snuggly girls but are becoming more and more independent every single day.

This month we had some grown up fun which was much needed! We got together with our dear friends to see Blake Shelton in concert which was just a blast; although, I paid for it a bit the next day!

Love spending time with my bestie especially before she is the mother of two! Now to plan her Baby Sprinkle!

Josh has kept busy this month with little projects to make me happy.

Josh and my dad built a fence to hide our AC units and then Josh planted Jasmine Vines to hopefully fill in next year.

We started trying to attract some birds because Gianna and the babies are obsessed with them. You would have thought the world came crashing down when we had our first taker. Gianna started screaming and jumping up and down which scared the heck out of me. The twins ran to her and joined in the jumping and screaming, we had our first bird enjoying a tasty meal. The three littles were ecstatic! Since then we have regulars. We now have several humming birds and too many to count small birds( I know nothing about birds or what kind they are). These little creatures sure do get my girls excited through out the day, the only other thing that gets them that excited is finding the moon at night.

Josh and my dad worked on building Gigi her dream garden. Josh has really put a lot of thought into it all and we should be planting our winter veggies in the next couple of weeks. I am certain Gianna and I will make memories that will last a lifetime and we get to say the men in our life did it all for us!

I found a way to use up some old fence and decorate for the season

Step one of a DIY project Paris and I started- finished pictures next time

Now for baby faces! We headed out to the drag races last weekend and let the kids all get real dirty!

Charlie

Sad they couldn't go with the big kids

Penny rocking her new cowboy boots

Rough being a Richards girl

Charlie has to be touching someone all the time

Still love their wagon but are not happy when the ride is over

Gianna and Richard so excited to see Sheena our nanny in the drag race!

Sheena ready to roll and win!

So another month soars by and I loved it all. This month will be even busier with birthdays! We have three kids birthdays in two days which will certainly keep us busy. For now I will continue to let life soar by but I will snap some pictures as we go so that I never forget the beauty of this wonderful life I'm blessed enough to be a part of. Till next time, have a safe flight!

xoxo-