Let it Go...

I am an emotional girl... It is what it is... I do not deal with change well despite my efforts to fake it until I do but secretly hate it every step of the way. I hate change until I am use to it and then I don't want it to change again, a vicious cycle no doubt. Last weekend marked a change in our lives that I am still not quite ready for. Last Saturday night I went to bed the mommy of babies and woke up Sunday to be the mommy of toddlers! The twins turned two last Sunday and grew two feet and are now preparing for college... Well, maybe not college but they certainly are growing like weeds. As if that wasn't enough to deal with I woke up Monday to a new six year old! Three birthdays in two days in our house and as happy as my children are, each birthday is a little harder for me to deal with. Mothers of older children, grown children, tell me to enjoy these days because they pass so fast...duh! I know that's why it saddens me so. The days pass so quickly I often forget what day it is!
Sunday morning I realized I will never again rock a new baby at 2am.
I will never again sit in a warm bath holding a tiny body to mine.
I will never again hear the word "mommy" for the first time from a little tiny voice.
I will never again have the first roll over, sit up, and first steps.
I will never again become intoxicated with the smell of a new tiny head resting on my chest.
I will never again have the absolute sense of accomplishment when hushing a screaming baby with my voice or nursing until we are both asleep... Never again...
                                                     Oh how this breaks my heart!
 Josh thinks I am crazy of course as many of you do. I have had people say things to me like, "You have more than enough" or "Your hands are already too full".... I guess their right. I certainly have my fare share of children and my hands are certainly full but that doesn't mean I will miss those precious moments any less. I physically cannot have more children even if I wanted too, in fact it is kind of a miracle I kept the twins in place as long as I did. It isn't even that I want more children I just am not ready to give up being a mommy to littles.
My children are at places now that really put things into perspective for me. I always thought that the first two to three years were the time consuming, difficult years but now I realize the real work comes with my school aged children and all of the challenges growing big kids brings. As the kids get bigger they seem to need me more. They have school functions, water polo, band, tutors, field trips and tons of homework! Now they want my opinion and one on one time. I can no longer get away with sitting them on my lap for a movie because now they want to talk, talk, talk. I am spread very thin now and I can now see why those older moms looked at me with pity when I was pregnant with the twins, now I get it. So I digress....
 I am a big fan of 19 Kids and Counting and not because I think they are crazy and I want to see what happens next but rather because I think they are a wonderful family that many people including myself can take away from. Michelle Dugger recently commented on the fact she can no longer have children and how it does bother her a bit because she loved having babies in the house but now it's a new season of life... A new season of life is exactly what I call this. I am no longer going to enjoy those awesome tiny, sweet smelling moments but I have wonderful things ahead of me. Ty will be in high school soon with changes everyday. Paris is turning into a young lady and that will bring tons of fun ( I hope). Gi will be more and more independent and the twins are learning something new everyday. Good things are coming and I know this because everyday my children bring good things to my life and for that I am thankful...So I let it go...
It is fitting to let it go as that is one of the favorite songs in our home right now by my three littlest ones. The babies will randomly sing "LET IT GOOOOOOO LET IT GOOOOOOOO" and Gianna watches the movies every chance she gets. A week before the kids birthdays we decided to have a small gathering to celebrate. I feel like it was more of a celebration of us surviving another year than anything else. No fancy invitations or party planning, just a quick text message to immediate friends and family with a time and that was that. I wanted to make it easy on us so I ordered sandwich trays and decided to stick with tradition and still do home made cakes because that's who we are. We are low key and simple and try very hard to keep things in perspective. I of course wanted to make some homemade treats for our guests because homemade treats equals hospitable in my book. I like people to know that they are worth my time and effort especially when they go out of their way to work our little events into their schedule. So, I tried my hand at made from scratch lemon bars that were freaking amazing!!! I was so proud of just how yummy they turned out but was shocked by how hard it is to juice a lemon.

We decided to go with a Frozen theme since the bounce house was going to be the Disney Princess version. I didn't go crazy with decorations but I tried to have some fun surprises for Gianna.

So I made sugar cookies that morning so we could have snowflakes on the tables

They were not my best work but were mighty tasty.

My buddy Karen made cupcakes in two amazing flavors and then decorated them special for the girls.

I love that our friends are truly great friends who go out of their way to help, support and love us.

Gigi spent the morning with Karen and Jay so we could make a few things surprises for her. Jay picked her up and packed her around then took her to breakfast. Later they built a birdhouse together.. Gianna was on cloud nine.

I decided to do a candy bar instead of gift bags, mostly because it was easier.

I was shocked over how much the kids loved this little idea.. We have enough candy left over for months to come!

Gianna was so happy to have Gray.

I did make each of the girls their own cake but waited until the last minute to frost which was a mistake! I was so rushed they weren't nearly what I expected them to be but they didn't seem to mind.

Ready to blow out a candle

Charlie loved every minute

Penny looks the same as she did last year

Gianna loved her new bike

The twins loved their new bikes

Gianna's favorite gift.... Bird food for her birdhouse... She really is a nut

Penny didn't understand this whole gift thing but she knew she liked it

Yes that is a Victoria Secret bag because Karen is just that classy... Thank goodness inside were adorable clothes and not VS for toddlers

I should be concentrating on Penny here but I am distracted by Karens muscle arms...She makes me sick, why do all my friends have to be so fit!

Thankfully this day went off without a hitch. I am disappointed I didn't get any pictures with grandparents or even us but I was to busy enjoying the day to take many pictures. The babies had a wonderful time with family and friends and did not have a single meltdown. It was a magical day filled with laughter, good food, good friends and wine, who could ask for anything more...

I am going to let it go... I am going to let go of what I use to have and be thankful for what I currently have. I am going to embrace this new season of life and be excited about what tomorrow brings. What ever it is that holds you back, slows you down and stops you in your tracks, let it go. Life is to short to hold on to the past so move on, let it go and you will be better off for it, I promise. 

Much Love