Why do they have to get so big so, so, so fast?

I could spend hours upon hours discussing my children's future, hopes, dreams and wishes I have for each of them but if I did that I'd miss out on what they dream of now. I would miss out on the amazing little people they are now. This blog is dedicated to who my children are, today...

My big girls love to camp, fish and be with their grandparents. Josh took the big girls and my nephew Talyn for an over-night camping trip to celebrate Paris's up and coming birthday....He survived and the kids had a blast with family while Ty and I enjoyed some quality time at home with the twins. It's not that I don't enjoy camping because I do, without my children that is. I'd gladly go to the lake and lounge and drink beer but to worry about life jackets, kids to close to the edge of the boat and listen to Josh obsess over the fact the girls are getting dirty, NO THANK YOU. I will gladly stay home and let them have the "fun" while I enjoy the luxury of having only three children.... seriously did I just say that? A luxury to have only THREE? LOL Ty and I did have some wonderful talks and watched Napolian Dynamite, ate cupcakes and kettle corn....fun stuff.

I LOVE THIS KID!!! The last few months with him has brought change to our home. 

Ty turned 11 last month and is now officially acting as preteen. I was forced to have a way to detailed talk with him regarding "growing up" and had to answers questions I wasn't prepared for thanks to his classmates who probably watch way too much cable TV....(sigh)...I'm thankful he can ask me anything and I've vowed to always answer honestly in hopes of keeping the communication lines open.

At the ripe old age of 11 Ty's favorite color is blue.

Favorite food is mom's Taco's.

His favorite past time is playing his trumpet.

What he loves most about himself is that he's smart. 

His favorite band is Green Day.

If he could change anything he would give everyone a home and when he grows up he wants to be in neuroscience.

HE MAKES ME PROUD DAILY.

Paris turned 8 this week. 

I affectionately call  her my "little tree hugger" because she is a "hippie" at heart. Paris wants to fix the world. Paris can't watch ten minutes of TV without asking me to donate money to the SPCA, donate shoes for foster kids, canned food for a shelter and money for Boston. I can see the Peace core in her future... She makes me so PROUD!

Paris says her favorite color is black which I find funny because she is very fashion forward already.

Her favorite food is mom's taco's.

Her favorite music is Taylor Swift.

She loves herself because she's " pretty" (hasn't mastered humble yet).

If she could change the world there would be no one without a home and when she grows up she wants to be a lawyer....

This is Gigi playing with her friend Hayden. I chose to post these pictures today because these pictures scream who Gigi is... and who Gigi is makes me SO, SO PROUD...Let me explain...

 Hayden is a few months older that Gianna. Miss. Hayden has SMA.... it sucks....Hayden isn't a typical kid...she can't communicate through words like Gianna, or run and eat ice cream with the other kids. She often requires assistance to breathe appropriately and needs suction to prevent choking. Hayden is confined to a very limited position and is unable to move herself at all. She solely relies on her awesome mama to know what she needs. 

 This is her awesome mama Jen... she inspires me... Jen and her husband Chris give Hayden everything they possibly can to ensure Hayden has QUALITY of life and if you ever meet her you'd see her eyes light up and know she's a happy little girl because of her amazing parents.

Today was the first time Gianna and Hayden were left to play. I was afraid Gianna would be nervous because of their differences, the whistle of the the CPAP, the ding of the heart/o2 monitor or that she would inadvertently hurt Hayden's feelings, after all how can she understand this...she's only 4. I prepared her in advance that Hayden's heart was the same as hers. Hayden loves fairies, Barbies and movies but that she had "sick muscles"( I didn't know how to explain it so I did the best I could). Gigi said she understood and on their first meeting was fine with it all but today she was shy. After a half hour or so and some intervention from Jen the two were playing kitchen. I then explained to Gi that she could touch Hayden to help her play. Well that's all it took! Once Gianna knew she could "help" she was assisting Hayden to answer the kitchen phone, stir the food, use the cash register and they were just two typical girls playing. It made my heart happy and I think it made Jens happy too. When we left Gianna was sad, she wanted to keep playing with Hayden and wants her to come spend the night. Gianna didn't see anything but Hayden's 4 year old heart,(Hayden's heart is as sweet as her mama's) that makes me so proud, like brings tears to my eyes proud... We are doing something right....

Gianna's favorite color is yellow (today).

Her favorite food is blueberries.

She loves any music that Ty and Paris play.

She loves herself....a lot...lol

If she could fix one thing in the world she'd fix Hayden's TV so they could have watched Doc Mcstuffins today. 

When Gigi grows up she wants to be able to clean the litter box. (we don't have a cat)

 The twins are six months

Penny wasn't in a modeling kind of mood....

Charlie is now 16lbs and Penny is 14.5 lbs. 

 Charlie is typically quiet. She is happiest in someones arms and nurses just because she can... Her cry is short and quiet, very sad....

Penny is loud. She wants to see everything, always...She is so inquisitive... Her cry is a blood curdling scream to the point you'd think someone broke her arm but really she just wants attention.

 Twins are teething...it's not fun, I've never wanted teeth to come in so bad. They are rolling when the choose it to be necessary but not for our entertainment even though we beg. 

They really are good babies. The last 6 months have flown by but then again so has the last 11 years....Why can't I keep them little forever? I hear people say all the time that they can't wait for crawling, walking, talking, school, driving, college....NOT ME.... I want to keep every moment in slow motion.... Love your kids for the stage they are in because the stage is gone in the blink of an eye....

Much love....



I encourage you all to research and support SMA and help Hayden find a cure!

http://theGSF.org/

Better full than empty...

So as the babies get bigger we aren't stopped as much, when I say as much I mean I can go two aisles instead of half of one without being asked "Are they twins?'. I am used to it and I really don't get as overwhelmed by all the questions like I use to but I also don't feel as obligated to answer them politely. I often just smile and keep walking or answer as I continue to walk keeping all my little duckies in a row. I have begun saying "duckies duckies" to Gianna lately and she quickly gets behind her brother or sister so we won't consume the entire walk-way. Sometimes I have very considerate people ask me questions and I don't mind at all because they often start by saying how amazing I am and after much consideration last week on the "super mom" talk, I now just say thank you... I enjoy talking about the kids and even though my pregnancy was less than picture perfect I have to admit it was amazing to feel two lives growing inside me, watching them move like the waves of the ocean and often taking my breath away simply out of astonishment. Some people and I want to say again SOME people are very encouraging and have only nice things to say like, "what a blessing" or "you are so lucky to have such a family" and I know that I am! Last week I went to visit some fellow mamas and wanted to bring a treat so I decided to stop for some bagels and our favorite tea. Through my entire thirty minute drive I contemplated how I was going to carry bagels, two iced teas and two babies, it actually stressed me a bit. I finally decided I was just going to ask for help which is SO SO SO hard for me. I'm simply terrible about asking for help but this time I was going to. I got the babies and struggled with the heavy glass door but managed to scurry over to the line where I waited to order. The nicest man in an obviously expensive business suit came right over and said " I saw you struggle with that door but had to say you are doing such a great job and these babies are beautiful! if you need any help I'm here." I said thank you and he walked away and out of the shop, DARN! He could have held the door or carried the tea I thought but oh well back to plan A, ask for help. I ordered and gathered my things to head to the tea when he popped back in quickly picking up the car seats and said, " are we getting drinks?" I laughed and said yes. He quickly walked over to the drink station setting the babies down to face me and waited patiently speaking of his three boys who are now nearly grown. As I moved about he would pick up the seats and turn them to face me as to tell me he just wanted to help, no danger here, I thought it was endearing. He ended up taking the babies to the car so I could carry my things, don't worry I was parked right in front of the door and I was ready to attack him if tried to run but I really felt he was a decent person just trying to help a mama out. I thanked him so many times and he simply smiled set the babies on the sidewalk and left. He was a nice man... 

I wish all my encounters were so pleasant, they aren't. We often get odd looks, even dirty looks when we're out and about and I often get the feeling of disapproval over our large family. Most of the time it doesn't bother me and my kids really are well behaved at least in public but still sometimes it kinda hurts my feelings when people are snotty and ask, "how will you pay for college for five kids?'. Frankly it's none of their business, my kids will work to go to school but I will do everything in my power to give them all the support I can to finish both financially and more importantly emotionally. I know I won't be able to pay for Harvard for five kids but I do know I can help them through Fresno state and then they can have student loans :-)...none of their business... I hear a lot of "you are really asking for punishment" or just the look, the one that lets me know you think we're totally crazy for having so many children. I certainly never thought I'd be the girl with FIVE kids but here I am and you know what? I LOVE IT! I have friends that really struggled to have children and would have loved to have five kids had they been able to, granted my pregnancies are tough but my results are perfection. Needless to say I don't feel it necessary to explain my life choices to strangers anymore so I stole a response I had read by a fellow mom last week when a snotty woman glared at me in the most judgmental way as I juggled changing the twins and helping Gi and Paris in a target bathroom, she said " OOHHH MYYYY don't you have your hands full?". I looked at her for a moment, kissed Miss. Charlie as I placed her now clean butt in her stroller and said, "Better full than empty." I left the restroom with my four girls to meet my son outside the doors with the woman's mouth wide open... Crazy or not my life is fulfilling and although I do in fact have my hands full I can't image wanting it any other way.

Some pictures from this weeks events

 Ty has had straight A's this year and tells me weekly he wants to be a neurosurgeon, he's eleven so I imagine he may change his mind ;-)

 Paris has struggled this year with math. Last quarter she had an A in every subject as normal but a D in math! She is so tender hearted so she required so much encouragement but her extra work we did at home paid off! Her report card revealed A's and one B, in math. I told her I never could be so proud of a B as I was right then, she really worked hard and received a Diligence award today for her vast improvement and obvious hard work. I'm so proud of her. 

 Peas were on the menu for the first time and they were a hit. Penelope is quite the eater and I am loving she is finally forming some "rolls" like her mama.

Charlotte looked like the Hulk after eating, this picture was taken after I had already saturated two wipes cleaning her. 

I really am asking for trouble! This is our latest addition, Molly. I was GUILTED into taking her, yes Brandee I'm talking to you, you guilted me! ( yes I know that saying "guilted" is not proper english)

This dogs feet rarely touch the ground. The girls are taking full responsibility for her, at least this week they are. Gianna is in love...

Do what makes you happy people and tell me about it, no judgment here...

Are you seriously telling me to put away my sewing machine?

Today was a fun day. It was a fun day if you consider packing around two babies to run a few errands and then deal with them without naps and be completely irritable, I do consider it fun. This is my reality; I have two infants that are pulling away from nursing, who only sleep well in their cribs, who require all of my attention, who kill my back, who make me rethink doing things like brushing my teeth or leaving the house.... my reality....I love it.. I really do, I can't get enough of them. I can't even say their names without smiling, thats an awesome feeling.
Today I was able to visit with some fellow moms and it was so nice to be able to relate to someone other than my four year old and I do relate to her. Sometimes when she breaks down crying when she doesn't get her way, I get it.. I have broke down crying several times in the last three weeks because I'm not getting me way...sigh... The babies not wanting or should I say not being satisfied with nursing is killing me. I can't even talk about it without getting emotional. May sound stupid to the majority of you but for me its huge. My very first concern that popped in my head when I found out I was having twins was, "How can I nurse two babies?"....It's so important to me not just for their health but for my SOUL... I need that connection with them like I had with my singletons. I am lucky in the fact breast feeding came easy for me, it doesn't for a lot of women and that makes me sad for them. It really can be amazing if the stars aline just right and for me they always did. We made it five months which I believe is an achievement but its not enough for me so I keep struggling to at least nurse half the time and I will continue until they just wont have me anymore (stomping my feet)! This fact weighs heavy on my mind, I wish it didn't but it does... I try to drown it out, it's not working...

I love these moments...My girly's holding hands....

By the time I was a mile or two from the house I realized I hadn't picked up Gianna from preschool, the babies were screaming bloody murder and I realized I hadn't eaten anything other than a bagel so I was certain I may die. I picked up Gi, dealt with Ty and Paris on the phone while they were fighting over something that I really couldn't care less about and I was SO DONE! Pizza for dinner tonight!

Every night we have the same routine; I make dinner, feed the babies, feed the family, give the babies their baths, then big kid baths, book time and bed. Tonight I was so wore out I decided not to bathe the babies and do it in the morning. I gave them an extra bottle and skipped the cereal ( they still fight cereal and I wasn't in the mood to fight them to eat) then it happened.....guilt! I couldn't do it, I couldn't send them to bed with out being clean and fresh, smelling as a baby should. So I ignored the headache and got the bath out, I even fed them a little cereal while they soaked which they loved.

No more smelly feet

In the midst of my chaos my husband informs me he wants me to "do something with my sewing machine", meaning put it away. Its been out and literally in the middle of my room for weeks. I like it there.... I like that I can just do 15 minutes of a project in between dealing with the babies and I can sew in my room after they go to bed. Apparently he hates tripping and edging around it all the time....I don't care.. I feel like I do so little for me as it is and handle everything for everyone so I just don't see what the big deal is....I threw a little four year old tantrum and basically said I wasn't moving it... I moved it when he left for work... I finished up the laundry and cleaned up the house that was a small disaster area. There was once a time maybe five years ago when my house was spotless at all times. My days off from work were spent scrubbing, washing, mopping and dusting until I had that "Pinesol" clean smell in every square inch....I'm not like that anymore and this is why... My grandmother is a clean freak! She always has been. If you visit she will tell you her house is a mess even though you can see your reflection in everything! My grandma has admitted to me she wishes she wouldn't have been so clean when her kids were young and therefore would have spent more time with them. My mom agrees... Crazy part is my mom was the same way. My mom cleaned every day and so did we, then Thursdays were deep cleaning days where you had to clean under your bed and in your closet. I appreciate that my mom taught me to be a good housekeeper and I keep that with me but my mom was also consumed with it and didn't do as much "fun" play as she would have liked, she has admitted this too. I think my grandma and mom did the best they knew how and we all turned out alright so I give them tons of credit! Even though I love a super clean home I have stopped chasing the clean. I have decided that when my kids are grown I don't want regret. I know everyone does about something but I don't want mine to involve time. I want my kids to know how to clean and they really do a good job for the most part but more importantly I want them to know THEY are whats most important to me, not what other people think when they pop in and see laundry, dishes and toys. I'd rather tickle the twins than fold laundry, it will eventually get done but its not an emergency. I rather read to Gianna than unload the dishwasher, we are going to use those same dishes tomorrow anyways. I'd rather let Ty talk my ear off than mop and let Paris explain all the second grade drama instead of organize my shoes. I will never let go completely of my OCD cleaning but I will do my best to keep it in check, after all I will always have laundry but my kids will only be this size today...

Just a few snap shots from the week

Paris "watching"Penny while I cooked. She was watching TV, listening to her Barbie radio and singing to Penny...Multi-tasker...

Much love...

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's SUPERMOM!!!

So this morning I had a catch up session with my dear friend Dusty. I will probably talk about friends and why we are friends a lot in future posts simply because I think it's important. I want my kids to know how and why I have the friends I do. I want my children to learn and see how to chose worthy friends and how to be one in return. We can learn so much from those we associate with and I take this very seriously. I want to surround myself by people who will help me be better and Dusty is one of those people.
Dusty and Josh were friends from childhood and she is one of the first people he introduced me to when we started dating. First impressions are huge to most of us and my first impression of Dusty was a desperate wish I could hate her. I say this out of love... Dusty is stunningly beautiful, a natural beauty without a stitch of make up on. She is tall, tan, thin with light eyes. Dusty is educated (teacher by profession), creative and loving. AHHHHH I have often said she is so perfect I wish I could hate her but she's just to sweet. Instead of searching for her imperfections I instead made her one of my closest friends and she has remained such for almost nine years! Dusty and I agree on the basic ideals of how we want to raise our children. We both believe in less is more and want our kids to be productive, giving, loving and strong children with a strong sense of family and self. Dusty is trying to keep up with my tribe of kids and is getting close after she delivered fraternal twins 6 weeks ago. Pretty crazy two friends having twins together within a few months, right? I'm happy to be on this roller coaster with  her. I can speak frankly with Dusty and when I say things that I should probably keep to myself, she generally laughs because she has thought it too.

This is Dusty and I on her wedding day.

So back to the point... Dusty and I were talking about the hard parts of having twins today but it's probably not what you think. We both struggle with time, not time to get things done but the quality time we desperately want to have with our babies. When you have one baby even if you have multiple children you can find time to sit and cuddle the little one, staring into their precious little eyes to the point of amazement that you have such a glorious gift, forever! With twins it's extremely difficult. 

TWINS=TASKS

I constantly am multi-tasking and have a hard time holding and loving the babies individually, not because I don't want to but because one always needs something and if they don't, the big kids do. Don't get me wrong, these babies are held 24-7 but its typically both of them, feeding them, playing, changing, bathing but its not the same. It's just not... I have found myself regularly waking one up from a nap or right before I go to bed in order to love on them. I enjoy holding, kissing, and nursing them one at a time and I can tell they like it too. I don't mind loosing a little sleep for those moments and I know I will cherish them forever. Most new moms would think I'm crazy for waking sleeping babies but Dusty doesn't, she gets it...

During our conversation the topic of this blog came up and we got a good laugh out of it. We both are continuously being praised as the SUPERMOM! I get a lot of "I don't know how you do it" or "Your amazing, a real supermom". I think it's funny and although I appreciate it,  I generally have the same response, "Nothing super here, I just do what I have to do." I'm right, right? It's not like I have a fairy godmother who is going to wash the dishes and juggle the twins while helping the big kids with homework, it's just me during the week. Does keeping the kids alive make me a supermom? If it does then yes I am because they are all still breathing! The fact of the matter is I just don't think I am doing anything extraordinary. 

Yes I am raising five children that include a set of twins which is a lot of work and is even more work when you are trying to do it right but I can't fly. 

Yes I do work as an emergency room nurse but only part time and I can't climb walls (sometimes my kids can). 

Yes I am married and pretty much take care of all the household duties but I can't shoot lasers out of my eyes (my husband may disagree, he's gotten some crazy looks from me today). 

Yes I have taken up a few hobbies like photography and sewing but that's purely selfishness to keep me sane and I cant shoot webs and scale the buildings. 

I am not a supermom, just a mom who tries.

If you base your perception of me off Facebook posts or the fact I nearly always am smiling out and about then you would think I am super but the fact is those are just glimpses of my life. I do have amazing moments but I also have horrid ones as well!

EXAMPLE:

Today we ventured out to do things that had to be done. I loaded up the kids after school and picked up my ring from the jewelry store, made a return to Buy Buy Baby and then hit Costco...(sigh) Costco is really hard to manage with five little ones...Typically Josh and I go together on Mondays when the kids are in school so we only have the twins and even then its tough but I worked a night shift Sunday and was just toooooo tired to shop, so we didn't get it done. My cupboards have never been so bare so I did what had to be done. 

           Out of the car, set up the stroller, two babies buckled in. 

           I push the stroller while holding Gianna's hand and Ty grabs a cart while Paris daydreams.

           We get half way through the store successfully. I instruct the kids to grab the bread, pick out lunch meat, grapes and broccoli then the dreaded sample station. 

"mommy, mommy, mommy I want to try!"

Penny starts screaming as we block the isle with the stroller, cart and Gianna trying to get a sample like she hasn't eaten in a year! As we finally push past to the next isle, Gianna has a complete melt down as her caterpillar she made in school brakes and she locks up devastated that her new little creature is broken in her hand. At this point I am pushing a stroller, holding Penny and trying to get to Gianna so we can just get this over with when I hear my name called... A family friend who wants to see the twins...(sigh) I get Gianna in check quickly, Penny stops screaming and we get out of the passer byes way and we move on. As we walk Ty tells me a woman told him I was a "supermom", he laughs that people are so amazed by our circus act. Next isle in Charlie starts screaming, I put down Penny pick up Charlie and the scent of her overwhelming diaper explains her screams... "Lets go kids, we're out a here!" Two isles left and we jam through them but not not before Penny goes in to her "someone is killing me" scream. I am now holding both babies, Ty pushes the cart, Paris pushes the USELESS stroller and Gianna dances behind me. We stand in line to check out when a new beautiful mom in work out clothes and her sleeping baby approaches, "You are amazing, I am having such a hard time with one and I was watching you juggle five so brilliantly. I hope I can do it when I have more." All I could say was "Thank You"... I couldn't deny the fact it was a huge accomplishment...It is a huge accomplishment daily... Maybe Dusty and I are supermoms but not because we have litters of kids but because our kids know we love them and at very young ages respect adults, love, laugh and cherish their families....Maybe our superpowers are fueled by love....

This day called for carbs

 Paris wasn't picture ready ;-)

 I was to tired to stop them from watching TV during dinner

I think that's OK once in a while

 Dinner done, bath time

Much love from this supermom to the next

Do you believe in magic?

"Mommy, do you believe in magic?"

 hmmm... What do I believe? I had to think about it when Gianna asked me this very question last week. Maybe I do. I think part of me may believe there is a magical force out there where dreams come true. There may be a place where the Princess finds her Prince and wishes are granted...Maybe there really are happy endings...
"Of course Gigi! Magic is all around us!" This is what I said to Gigi at the time but I spent the last week really thinking about my own beliefs.

It was spring break in our house but we spent the majority of the time fighting the ickiest stomach bug! It started with Gi then Ty, Charlie, Myself, Penny and ended with Paris. Then magic happened, the everyday kind of magic, Josh didn't get it! I love that man but when he is sick I have to hear things like, "You have never felt pain like this!" or "You have never been this sick (moan)." Men! The world must stop when they catch a cold but fortunately he only caught a cold. Lots of sniffles and throat clearing but over all this was his easiest sickness to date or maybe I just finally have more patience. By the end of the week sick or not I had to get the kids out of the house so we headed to the Zoo.

After a nice day out and the twins being so well behaved and actually seeming to enjoy our outing, they needed to stretch!

Magic....I may believe more...

Friday night I needed a break!! There was once a time (even last week) I felt guilty for leaving the kids to do something for me, but on Friday I needed to do something for me. I needed an evening to remember why I love my husband so much, DATE NIGHT!

Awe, he's still pretty cute...

We had a great evening, a long talk to make sure we were still on the same page. After the twins I cut back drastically at work. Those cut backs does put some financial stress on us but we both have come to the conclusion that me being able to be there for the kids as much as possible is worth eating out less and being cautious on what we buy. After our talk and hearing Josh say that he appreciates what I do with the kids and this is what he wants even if it means him picking up a day of overtime (sigh)....Priceless. In that moment I felt as if we were finally making the right choices for the right reasons....I know I found my Prince...Magic....

Saturday I spent time with my best buddy

Krisha and Lane! 

Krisha has been one of my best friends for ten years but I swear the longer I know her the more she does for my soul. She knows me like no other and still sticks around! She doesn't judge me but will tell me when I am totally wrong, I appreciate that. I trust her, I love her...She is a wish fulfilled.

Lane is Krisha's first baby and my nephew...He's another wish fulfilled.

So I'm not blood related so technically he is not my nephew but I dare you to say that to my face. That's my little man whom I couldn't love more and I am really loving seeing Krisha with her Mommy Hat on. She has taken the role and flourished... 

Magic...

After the awesome week with my bittys I decided we needed some in your face magic

Each big kid received some magic beans Saturday and we planted some in the yard

The rest were planted in magic jars 

They were covered with magic dirt

Look what grew while the kids took their showers!

Sunday morning we checked our crops

Eggs and Peeps popped up from the beans in jars 

Chocolate Carrots grew...

We ended the weekend with a visit with Aunt Carol who is recovering from a very serious surgery performed last week and is doing well. (looks like wishes are coming true all over the place)

Pathology report is back and Carol is finally cancer free!!!!

MAGIC!

Carol's magic came in the form of her amazing daughters support along with her husband, sisters and grand kids. We were just happy to share our little magic makers in diapers...Hard not to be happy when you're holding fat girl or peanut.

Long week...Lots of thinking...

It looks like I answered Gianna correctly. 

How could I not believe in magic? It's all around me. I think magic is spurred by love and that is something this family has an abundance of. My magic sparked eleven years ago when Ty was born and only grew stronger when I fell in love with Josh.  I was topped off with the birth of Paris then Gianna so by the time Charlotte and Penelope were born the magic was simply spilling over. 

No wonder why in this house Jelly Beans grow Chocolate! 

Ty, Paris, Gigi, Charlie and Penny please always remember that we choose to be happy and see the good through the bad. It doesn't make the bad go away but it does put it all in perspective.

Sometimes magic comes in the form of family and friends sharing huge important moments but it also comes in the form of your spouce bringing you a cupcake and coffee for breakfast just because!

We all have magic in our lives and we can either choose to ignore it and miss out on the sparkle or we can embrace it with our families and friends. We can open our eyes to endless possibility's and cherish each magical moment for what it is. It's up to you, what are you choosing to do?