Raising Up Richards: Are you seriously telling me to put away my sewing machine?

Today was a fun day. It was a fun day if you consider packing around two babies to run a few errands and then deal with them without naps and be completely irritable, I do consider it fun. This is my reality; I have two infants that are pulling away from nursing, who only sleep well in their cribs, who require all of my attention, who kill my back, who make me rethink doing things like brushing my teeth or leaving the house.... my reality....I love it.. I really do, I can't get enough of them. I can't even say their names without smiling, thats an awesome feeling.
Today I was able to visit with some fellow moms and it was so nice to be able to relate to someone other than my four year old and I do relate to her. Sometimes when she breaks down crying when she doesn't get her way, I get it.. I have broke down crying several times in the last three weeks because I'm not getting me way...sigh... The babies not wanting or should I say not being satisfied with nursing is killing me. I can't even talk about it without getting emotional. May sound stupid to the majority of you but for me its huge. My very first concern that popped in my head when I found out I was having twins was, "How can I nurse two babies?"....It's so important to me not just for their health but for my SOUL... I need that connection with them like I had with my singletons. I am lucky in the fact breast feeding came easy for me, it doesn't for a lot of women and that makes me sad for them. It really can be amazing if the stars aline just right and for me they always did. We made it five months which I believe is an achievement but its not enough for me so I keep struggling to at least nurse half the time and I will continue until they just wont have me anymore (stomping my feet)! This fact weighs heavy on my mind, I wish it didn't but it does... I try to drown it out, it's not working...

I love these moments...My girly's holding hands....

By the time I was a mile or two from the house I realized I hadn't picked up Gianna from preschool, the babies were screaming bloody murder and I realized I hadn't eaten anything other than a bagel so I was certain I may die. I picked up Gi, dealt with Ty and Paris on the phone while they were fighting over something that I really couldn't care less about and I was SO DONE! Pizza for dinner tonight!

Every night we have the same routine; I make dinner, feed the babies, feed the family, give the babies their baths, then big kid baths, book time and bed. Tonight I was so wore out I decided not to bathe the babies and do it in the morning. I gave them an extra bottle and skipped the cereal ( they still fight cereal and I wasn't in the mood to fight them to eat) then it happened.....guilt! I couldn't do it, I couldn't send them to bed with out being clean and fresh, smelling as a baby should. So I ignored the headache and got the bath out, I even fed them a little cereal while they soaked which they loved.

No more smelly feet

In the midst of my chaos my husband informs me he wants me to "do something with my sewing machine", meaning put it away. Its been out and literally in the middle of my room for weeks. I like it there.... I like that I can just do 15 minutes of a project in between dealing with the babies and I can sew in my room after they go to bed. Apparently he hates tripping and edging around it all the time....I don't care.. I feel like I do so little for me as it is and handle everything for everyone so I just don't see what the big deal is....I threw a little four year old tantrum and basically said I wasn't moving it... I moved it when he left for work... I finished up the laundry and cleaned up the house that was a small disaster area. There was once a time maybe five years ago when my house was spotless at all times. My days off from work were spent scrubbing, washing, mopping and dusting until I had that "Pinesol" clean smell in every square inch....I'm not like that anymore and this is why... My grandmother is a clean freak! She always has been. If you visit she will tell you her house is a mess even though you can see your reflection in everything! My grandma has admitted to me she wishes she wouldn't have been so clean when her kids were young and therefore would have spent more time with them. My mom agrees... Crazy part is my mom was the same way. My mom cleaned every day and so did we, then Thursdays were deep cleaning days where you had to clean under your bed and in your closet. I appreciate that my mom taught me to be a good housekeeper and I keep that with me but my mom was also consumed with it and didn't do as much "fun" play as she would have liked, she has admitted this too. I think my grandma and mom did the best they knew how and we all turned out alright so I give them tons of credit! Even though I love a super clean home I have stopped chasing the clean. I have decided that when my kids are grown I don't want regret. I know everyone does about something but I don't want mine to involve time. I want my kids to know how to clean and they really do a good job for the most part but more importantly I want them to know THEY are whats most important to me, not what other people think when they pop in and see laundry, dishes and toys. I'd rather tickle the twins than fold laundry, it will eventually get done but its not an emergency. I rather read to Gianna than unload the dishwasher, we are going to use those same dishes tomorrow anyways. I'd rather let Ty talk my ear off than mop and let Paris explain all the second grade drama instead of organize my shoes. I will never let go completely of my OCD cleaning but I will do my best to keep it in check, after all I will always have laundry but my kids will only be this size today...

Just a few snap shots from the week