Time marches on, even when we don't want it to...

Josh and I are about to celebrate TEN years together...TEN years, that's a lot of time! I've been with him nearly a third of my life..whew.... It really doesn't seem that long but then again I don't feel 32 either. Don't get me wrong sometimes I feel old, really old. I especially feel old when I go to work with all these tiny, perky 22 year olds already done with school and just starting their adult lives while I am STILL in school and trying to manage mine- ten years older. Fortunately, today is one of those days I feel OK. I actually don't want to be 22 again. 22 was a crazy year for me. I was starting my second attempt at being an adult and really wasn't sure if I could be successful... (I think I did alright) Looking back I did darn good. I may still be in school and probably will be the next four years but I have a lot to show for the last ten years but that's another post all together. Today I am just thinking of how fast time goes once you have children!. I look at my tiny little babies and realize that my first tiny little baby is a preteen. My second little tiny baby wants to be a preteen and is already acting to old for her age. My third little, tiny, itty, bitty turns five next month and continues to tell me it's going to be her 16th birthday soon. My twinkies are a whopping twenty pounds and will turn one next month...WTF? Where did the time go? Why am I talking books with Ty that I read in high school, it wasn't that long ago, right? Why is Paris talking about clothes and shoes when I didn't care until I was nearly twenty? Why does Gianna want to be 16 when 5 is so awesome? Simple really, we always want what we don't have. I blame myself. I am constantly planning the next goal before I even finish the one in process and I am pretty sure I must have a little OCD. As much as I want my kids to be goal driven I also want them to be kids.  When I was a kid, especially elementary school, I rarely had homework and if I did it was simple enough to complete while in line after recess. THIS IS NOT THE CASE ANYMORE! Kids don't get that kind of break! Ty has a minimum of 2 pages of detailed math a night, usually some spelling, history or science and of course a ton of reading. Paris generally has at least an hour of homework and then her required reading. So when are they suppose to be kids? There is no time to play realistically speaking. By the time they have their snack, do homework- it's time for dinner, baths, fun reading, preparing for the next day and bed. That sucks... They don't complain but I hate it! This is partly why I have a no TV, no video game, no computer during the school week rule. I really try to get them to do something creative and give their brain a rest and stimulation at the same time. Maybe I will blame the school system for time flying...Ya, I blame them for sure...

Gianna is now in TK1 and not tolerating it well at all! She is loving being at school but it's a full day, just like the big kids and she comes home a BEAR. Grumpy as one can be and getting herself into trouble. At school she is doing wonderful. She is coming home singing the months of the year, counting up a storm and telling me all the letters and sounds but my oh my, attitude is in full force past 5pm. Last night laying in bed Josh says, "Have you paid attention to Gi lately?"...Ummmm "Not really," I said. He goes on, "Well she is changing a lot and really getting cuter." I couldn't help but laugh because I kinda always thought she was cute but I know what he means. I see my kids everyday but once in a while I look up and realize six months had passed and their face changed, voice changed...They just changed... HOW DID I MISS IT? When did it happen? Did I blink? Was it when I snuck off to watch the Dexter finally? When, why, where? I want answers darn it! I don't like it...

My Paris started 3rd grade... She seems to little to be on the big side of the playground. Paris's "look" changed a lot in the last year. She is definitely looking more grown up and I catch her trying to act a lot older. She is becoming more and more interested in how she looks, what she wears and how she behaves... Teenage years may be rough.. I look at Paris and see this tiny toddler who was obsessed with her daddy and now she is obsessed with music and singing. She talks about fashion design and how she "wants to move to where they do fashion shows"....This makes me sad.. She may be the one whose dreams take her far away.. I will hold on as long as I can, all the while building up my frequent flier miles. I have a feeling I will need them.

Sweet Ty..Sweet grown up Ty finds him self in trouble for not being a kid. He is so concerned on how to help me, he turns down invites to do things with his friends. I nipped that in the bud! I had to explain to him that as much as I appreciate his help, the twins are MY responsibility and not his. I feel like he's starting to get it but is still wonderfully helpful. I get off at 3:30am and am exhausted in the mornings, on his own accord he started waking himself and the girls up for school and makes sure they do what they are suppose to so that I can stay in bed an extra thirty minutes. On top of that he started changing the babies diapers when they wake up before school and giving them a bottle so I really do get a little extra sleep. I think I tend to cave a bit on the freedom I give Ty because he is so responsible, like having an iPhone that is ten times better than my phone; which I said I'd never do. I still hold firm on movie and video game monitoring but let the bedtime slide. I let him watch TV after the girls go to bed and really try to make that our time. He tells me about his day, friends, school work and favorite books..So grown up...He was once a tiny baby in my arms and now is nearly bigger than me and I am in his arms... I don't like it but in some ways I do.. He is my proof I am doing something right!

I hope they will be close as adults. They fight often...

They love often too...

August 2013

Time marches on, I have to try and keep up...

My once tiny, NICU twins that refused to eat now crawl all over me, even as I write this post! The twins are eleven months!!! This year really has FLOWN BY!! I can't even believe how quickly it has gone so here is the update:

We are sick of baby food! They want REAL food. Last week we tried eggs for the first time and it was a success!

They are self feeding a lot but I am not sure how much actually gets in their tummy's verses the floor.

They are both crawling EVERYWHERE. They finally are crawling in a typical way verses the army, worm thing they had going on and boy are they fast. We have to close off all the rooms as they become harder and harder to keep track of. I'm thinking of putting bells on them. I layout treats like Hansel and Gretel to get them to follow me where I want them to go and save my back the trouble of carrying them! They are pulling up and walking around things. Charlie is starting to try and stand on her own. Penny is the most flexible baby I have ever seen. In order to sit down she does the splits. She is always in the "splits' position".

Checking out the big kids playing

Loves watching Gianna

Amazed by Gianna the Great

Showing off the two teeth they both sport

Learning what "no" means

They do not like the feel of grass and I am thankful because it keeps them on the blanket

Big kids are amazing to them

Penny ditched Charlie, again...

She has the helmet so why not learn to ride a skateboard at 11 months

Doing the splits...Normally she has each leg straight out side to side

They love playing together finally and follow each other around. I've now realize they find comfort in each other so I lay them down to nap together and they snuggle. I love, love, love it.

Tons of wild hair that CAN NOT be tamed, sweet Charlie

Sweet Penny

Learning to paint while waiting for dinner to be ready.

Penny wants to be a big kid I think

Surprise, surprise, Charlie is eating

Barbie and Molly on babysitting duty

Still trying to be included

Still eating

Barbie has been with us over five years and I have no doubt that she will be the dog the kids will remember as their favorite childhood pet.

Barbie lets the twins pull on her, stand on her, lay on her and she loves it. She is so protective over them. She never leaves their side and barks at Molly if she even comes close to them. I don't think Barbie trusts Molly just yet with "her babies".

Barbie watching her babies

Gigi and Paris photo bombed by Penny.

Time marches on whether or not we want it to so I will attempt to look forward knowing that great things are coming for my family. I will cherish each day because I know when I wake up in the morning my children may be grown and I don't ever want to look back and wish I had done more with them. Someday I will miss the tantrums, crying, fighting, messes and piles of laundry because with the tantrums, crying, fighting, messes and piles of laundry came laughter, smiles, giggles, first steps, first  words, first cake, hugs, kisses, snuggles and many "I love you's". I can't wait to see what time will bring to my door step but for now I will be content with whats inside these four walls...

 Bring it on time, I'm ready for you!

Much Love

Lessons Learned

So this won't be a post full of pictures for many reasons..
1-I'm tired
2-I'm busy
3-I'm tooooo tired and toooo busy to take some!

I promise to get some up real soon. Even though I don't have tons of cute pics to post, I feel I need to write because the reason I started this blog was to teach my children and I feel I've learned a few lessons lately.  We recently found our dream house. It may not be anyone else's dream but it was mine. It was fairly new and had a great floor plan. It wasn't as many bedrooms as I'd love but it was so roomy and open that I didn't care. I fell in love with this house! It was on a couple acres and I could see so much possibility. I could see the kids running after chickens. I could see Josh and I sitting on the porch in a hot tub with a glass of wine. I could see my friends baby showers and family dinners. I could even see a wedding or maybe a vowel renewal.. I saw my future and I fell in love. Of course things don't always work out which seems to be the story of my life and we didn't get the house. I honestly just became so sad. I really don't think I am a materialistic person but I really wanted that dream and it was gone. In that moment of sadness I tried very hard not to let the kids see it. I didn't want them to be sad because they were excited at the idea to but what can you do right? So I sat the big kids down and told them sometimes dreams change and we would still find the perfect house soon...I think they bought it but the truth is I was really disappointed. Of course the same day I find out my dream was smashed my best buddy found out her dream was happening and they got the land they had wanted... I faked happiness for her.. That sounds horrible right? She is one of my best friends and I AM happy she found her dream but I was still mourning mine. This was a lesson to be learned. I realized it's ok to be sad and to even let it show but it is not ok to not be happy for others. It's not always easy to hide the little green monster in all of us and we all have it at times but we have to make a real effort to keep it at bay. I'm happy to say I snapped out of it quickly and know there is no correlation between someone else's happiness and my own and I really believe better things come to those who are good to others, I just needed to remind myself. Lesson learned....
Lesson two has come in the form of ego.... I obviously think I am superior to all others because I continue to act like I can do just about anything. I recently went back to full time at work (that means three- 12 hr shifts). On top of the extra work days which I only signed up for so I could get the house I didn't get by the way, I also went back to school. Nursing is changing and I have to keep myself relevant. A lot of places will not even consider your application without a BSN now which is tough when you've been out of school a few years. I had wanted to go back for a while especially considering that I can't apply to the next program I really want to do with out it, so I signed up. I go to school one night a week and then turn most of the work in online. I figured it was only a few hours out of the house so I would be fine....I was wrong... I am exhausted! I am so exhausted that I have been sick for the last several weeks with one thing after another and I am certain that it is all stress related.
I AM NOT SUPER WOMAN.
I CAN NOT DO IT ALL.
I AM HUMAN...Lesson learned...This a lesson I will continue to learn the next 16 months until I graduate. I have thought about taking the financial loss and dropping out but some nagging part of me (Josh and Ty) won't let me. In the process of all this Josh's job has called him away a lot and made it even harder. I thought I was learning another lesson, a lesson that you can't rely on your husband because he was never there when you needed him....I was wrong. That wasn't the lesson I needed to learn, in fact it was just the opposite. Instead of Josh confronting my irritation with him or letting me quit, he did the unexpected. He cleaned.. He has stepped up and taken a great deal of chores off my plate and even when I was spitting mad at him he told me I could be as mad as I wanted but I shouldn't quit school... He was right..The real lesson learned.... My husband is always there when I need him, it just may not be in the way I think I need him. We don't always know what is best for us or what we need and in those instances we need to take a breath, step back to see the whole picture and let it work itself out...I am thankful my husband will tolerate my tantrums from time to time and love me through them not in spite of them. Josh loves me at my worst which can be pretty bad and that makes me love him so much more. I really am very fortunate...lesson learned...
Once I got out of my own head, I really started feeling better. One of my classmates reminded me the "C's" get degrees and I don't have to be a super student, I just have to pass! Then my son made me realize that quality time is better than quantity, so I am really working on that. Each of my kids brings me so much joy and all they want is a happy mom, so that's what I am going to be. Today I called the sitter to come over for an hour. I got a pedi/mani with NO GUILT. I came home 60 minutes later in a happy mood. I cleaned the house, made dinner, did laundry, tickled babies, gave baths, read stories, gave kisses and took some hugs. I even went one step further and asked Josh to bring home my favorite cocktail to end the night. This was the best lesson learned. I have struggled with taking care of me since I became a mother but I have learned now that taking "me" time makes "me" a better mother and really that's the point of everything I do. I want to be the best mother possible and I feel with the lessons I've learned the last few weeks I am on a good track. I'm feeling better. I'm feeling happy and hopeful. I'm feeling thankful...I'm feeling human...I'm feeling... I hope I can take a break from lesson learning this week but I feel like I'm on a roll so I guess I will just take them as they come and I hope all of you do the same. Learn from our mistakes, learn from our rights, learn from others, just learn...
Much love to all!