Lessons Learned

So this won't be a post full of pictures for many reasons..
1-I'm tired
2-I'm busy
3-I'm tooooo tired and toooo busy to take some!

I promise to get some up real soon. Even though I don't have tons of cute pics to post, I feel I need to write because the reason I started this blog was to teach my children and I feel I've learned a few lessons lately.  We recently found our dream house. It may not be anyone else's dream but it was mine. It was fairly new and had a great floor plan. It wasn't as many bedrooms as I'd love but it was so roomy and open that I didn't care. I fell in love with this house! It was on a couple acres and I could see so much possibility. I could see the kids running after chickens. I could see Josh and I sitting on the porch in a hot tub with a glass of wine. I could see my friends baby showers and family dinners. I could even see a wedding or maybe a vowel renewal.. I saw my future and I fell in love. Of course things don't always work out which seems to be the story of my life and we didn't get the house. I honestly just became so sad. I really don't think I am a materialistic person but I really wanted that dream and it was gone. In that moment of sadness I tried very hard not to let the kids see it. I didn't want them to be sad because they were excited at the idea to but what can you do right? So I sat the big kids down and told them sometimes dreams change and we would still find the perfect house soon...I think they bought it but the truth is I was really disappointed. Of course the same day I find out my dream was smashed my best buddy found out her dream was happening and they got the land they had wanted... I faked happiness for her.. That sounds horrible right? She is one of my best friends and I AM happy she found her dream but I was still mourning mine. This was a lesson to be learned. I realized it's ok to be sad and to even let it show but it is not ok to not be happy for others. It's not always easy to hide the little green monster in all of us and we all have it at times but we have to make a real effort to keep it at bay. I'm happy to say I snapped out of it quickly and know there is no correlation between someone else's happiness and my own and I really believe better things come to those who are good to others, I just needed to remind myself. Lesson learned....
Lesson two has come in the form of ego.... I obviously think I am superior to all others because I continue to act like I can do just about anything. I recently went back to full time at work (that means three- 12 hr shifts). On top of the extra work days which I only signed up for so I could get the house I didn't get by the way, I also went back to school. Nursing is changing and I have to keep myself relevant. A lot of places will not even consider your application without a BSN now which is tough when you've been out of school a few years. I had wanted to go back for a while especially considering that I can't apply to the next program I really want to do with out it, so I signed up. I go to school one night a week and then turn most of the work in online. I figured it was only a few hours out of the house so I would be fine....I was wrong... I am exhausted! I am so exhausted that I have been sick for the last several weeks with one thing after another and I am certain that it is all stress related.
I AM NOT SUPER WOMAN.
I CAN NOT DO IT ALL.
I AM HUMAN...Lesson learned...This a lesson I will continue to learn the next 16 months until I graduate. I have thought about taking the financial loss and dropping out but some nagging part of me (Josh and Ty) won't let me. In the process of all this Josh's job has called him away a lot and made it even harder. I thought I was learning another lesson, a lesson that you can't rely on your husband because he was never there when you needed him....I was wrong. That wasn't the lesson I needed to learn, in fact it was just the opposite. Instead of Josh confronting my irritation with him or letting me quit, he did the unexpected. He cleaned.. He has stepped up and taken a great deal of chores off my plate and even when I was spitting mad at him he told me I could be as mad as I wanted but I shouldn't quit school... He was right..The real lesson learned.... My husband is always there when I need him, it just may not be in the way I think I need him. We don't always know what is best for us or what we need and in those instances we need to take a breath, step back to see the whole picture and let it work itself out...I am thankful my husband will tolerate my tantrums from time to time and love me through them not in spite of them. Josh loves me at my worst which can be pretty bad and that makes me love him so much more. I really am very fortunate...lesson learned...
Once I got out of my own head, I really started feeling better. One of my classmates reminded me the "C's" get degrees and I don't have to be a super student, I just have to pass! Then my son made me realize that quality time is better than quantity, so I am really working on that. Each of my kids brings me so much joy and all they want is a happy mom, so that's what I am going to be. Today I called the sitter to come over for an hour. I got a pedi/mani with NO GUILT. I came home 60 minutes later in a happy mood. I cleaned the house, made dinner, did laundry, tickled babies, gave baths, read stories, gave kisses and took some hugs. I even went one step further and asked Josh to bring home my favorite cocktail to end the night. This was the best lesson learned. I have struggled with taking care of me since I became a mother but I have learned now that taking "me" time makes "me" a better mother and really that's the point of everything I do. I want to be the best mother possible and I feel with the lessons I've learned the last few weeks I am on a good track. I'm feeling better. I'm feeling happy and hopeful. I'm feeling thankful...I'm feeling human...I'm feeling... I hope I can take a break from lesson learning this week but I feel like I'm on a roll so I guess I will just take them as they come and I hope all of you do the same. Learn from our mistakes, learn from our rights, learn from others, just learn...
Much love to all!