I'm not that mom

"I'm not that mom"...Sounds harsh, like there is something wrong with being "that mom". I think that's a big problem that I totally partake of. Too often we know better what we "are not" more than what we are. This blog started writing itself in my head a few weeks ago while I was fighting with my husband. Yes, we fight, yes we yell at times and yes we say things we shouldn't. We are human... I have a friend that openly admits that her and her husband never really fight. He doesn't get mad, raise his voice or argue with her... Good for them but that's "not us". We are both passionate people. When we get fired up about anything good or bad neither of us can fight it. We both are "all in" kind of people so that definitely comes out in an argument but I digress. During this argument which was regarding my dog Josh continued to say what he wasn't willing to do. To be fare from the very beginning of him giving me the dog I wanted so badly, he stated very clearly this was to be my dog, my responsibility and that was that. Despite him clearly laying out his intentions from the beginning I didn't believe he would make me stick to it. I really thought he would help me train the dog especially considering I was under so much stress working two jobs, school and the new house changes...I was wrong. He stuck to his word of what he "wouldn't do" and that just killed me. This was not just one argument but rather a daily argument that progressed for two months. It made us both bitter and angry and a little resentful to the other person. It simply wasn't worth the argument anymore and I finally got rid of my sweet but trouble making puppy. I won't lie, even though Josh stuck to his word and I did not uphold my end of the deal I was still so disappointed in him and then of course everything he said irritated me. I started to pay attention to the actual words coming out of his mouth and I realized how many times during the day he would tell me what he was "not going to do". "I'm not cleaning that up" or "I'm not doing that" bla bla bla. It started to drive me crazy mostly because I was already emotional. Then I noticed the kids saying it, "I'm not helping you get that, you can do it yourself". This trend was running wild through the house and it made me sad that so much negativity was present throughout my happy family.
I feel like I am generally a pretty up beat person and I didn't know how this could be running so wild. I kept stopping the kids in their negative words and encouraged better choices but it kept nagging at me. I realized I was going to have to do something to counter act this negative attitude so I thought. As I really thought about these things I started catching myself in this same negative attitude. I caught myself saying all the things I "was not". Now I wasn't saying these words out loud necessarily but I certainly wasn't portraying the mother I want to be. I caught myself too many times judging others parenting choices. I realized as I scrolled Facebook I was irritated so easily by others posts. The bragging of what they just bought, the kid in a way to skimpy outfit for the age, the drama thrown about like dirty laundry on my bathroom floor and I hated I was turning into "that person" and I wasn't going to stay that way! I started to see the problem wasn't Josh's words, it wasn't the pictures or status updates it was me. Why was I so hard on everyone else, why was I being so sensitive? Hell if I know, maybe stress, exhaustion or just the fact that I can't have the time, money or energy to do everything I want in a days time! I want to be "that mom" the one who stays at home with her kids and has time for dance class and homemade cookies. I want to be "that mom" who has a Pinterest idea for every new adventure in her kids life. I would love to be "the mom" with the awesome career and never fights with her husband... I am not "that mom".... I may not be "that mom, wife, employee, daughter, sister and friend" but what I can be is better. I can let myself off the hook for not being all that I'd love to be and be happy with whom I am. I am always telling my kids to choose to be happy yet sometimes I just suck at that. I have to learn to be content with all that I am which is more than enough for most and if it's not, well then we better part ways now! I cannot concentrate on what I am not but have to concentrate on what I am and could be. I could be a way better example for my kids and my husband. I could be less judgmental, less stressed, less...just less... I think I am starting to realize that being less and doing it well is better than trying to do it all. I know me and I know that I will always strive to be better, that's just who I am but I can direct that characteristic in myself in a more positive way, so I will... I will listen to my husband next time he says he isn't going to help me do something and not hold it against him when he follows his word. I will let my children know that it's OK to not meet your own expectations and that it's only a failure if you don't try at all. I will try and set a better example and in my effort to try and be a better person, maybe I actually will be. So, I set my goals but then I needed to put them into action. I started simple. I deleted Facebook. No, I wasn't all drama and deleted my account so that everyone and their mother would text me wanting to know if I was OK, I simply deleted the App off my phone. I realized what a distraction my phone is and how often I check it. I say it's out of boredom but that's a lie. I don't have time to be bored and I can certainly fine more usefully things to do with my time than see pictures of all my friends meals! It's been two weeks since I made this move and it was a good one. My phone is no longer connected to me and I find myself talking more in depth to my kids and I'm not distracted. Today is my day off and I could have very easily got up started laundry and cleaned the house from top to bottom but instead I played in the twins room with them. I chased them, tickled them and pretended to eat up their little fat legs and we had some fun. Even now instead of doing laundry I am typing away my thoughts and feelings and that makes me feel better. This makes me have some perspective. Perspective is important and in the last few weeks I have had some great examples set for me.
So I let myself off the hook while everyone was posting their adorable first day of school photos which their cute little signs and was just fine settling for a quick note on  white board!

I think looking back in 20 years I won't remember that I was the only mom without a cute picture frame print out but I will remember crying the night before my son started Junior High wondering where the time went. I will remember Paris and the scared look on her face as she walked to her class knowing no one at the school and feeling like the worst mom ever for taking her to a new school district away from her friends. I will never forget Gianna being so excited until the moment came for me to leave and little tears started to stream down her face and a little piece of my heart breaking for my baby. I will never forget how resilient my kids are and how even though the first days led to wrong buses, no friends, lost phones and tons of changes they still went back each day without any complaining. They went back each day and by day three had new friends, Water Polo, Drum Line, Choir and in Gigi's words "fifty friends". My kids are good apples and I'd like to think that even if they aren't following my at times poor example, they still see me trying to be better and they follow that. 

Another wonderful example was set out for me in my Aunt and Uncles 50th wedding anniversary! Uncle Gene and Aunt Shirley are amazing people and I feel so blessed to have enjoyed their special day with them. They truly have set a wonderful example of how to make a marriage last and that is at the top of my list!

Aunt Shirley surprised with the Vow Renewal

Words of wisdom

Dad even got up to tell them of the wonderful memories he has because of the great people they have always been.

That's what we call true love folks

Then it was time to party and visit with family we just don't get to see enough!

This was the day we had fought horribly about the dog. Despite any fighting I know Josh is always there when it really matters.

The only kisses Ty is allowed to get even though he is in Junior High!

One of my dearest friends Chris. He has been there for me for more than half my life and I couldn't imagine a world without him.

Ty and his favorite people

Waterman family photo

Dad, Papa Hank and Uncle Eddie

Papa and Jess

Me and Papa

Aunt Shirley is also an identical twin and I think my girls could tell

Penny

Cousin Cade and Charlie

Charlie wasn't diggin her shoes

Penny found Aunty Jess's candy stash

I realize that Paris was having to much fun to even stop for a picture but she was there, I promise. 

I am a fortunate person. I have a wonderful family, amazing friends and an incredible life. I just need to remember that more often. In this world it is easy to see what we don't want to be but its better practice to think of what we want to be especially when that makes us strive to be better people. If you're not growing you're dying, so I am going to grow because I have so much to live for!