I don't want to be a mommy

This little girl has been making some odd, random statements lately and it had me a bit confused. Gianna is a wonderful big sister.  Gi feeds, plays and talks to the babies all the time and I always assumed this would make her a wonderful mama one day; however, Gianna has different plans.

The other day while she was helping me make dinner and keeping the twins entertained she looks up with tears in her eyes and says, "Mommy, I don't want to be a mama!"

I kinda laughed because sometimes I don't blame her, "That's just fine Gigi, you don't have to be a mama or get married. You can have an awesome job and travel the world!"

Gigi looks at me and stares for a minute before she says it again, "Mommy I am not ever getting married and old and having babies cause I know it hurts a lot!"

That it does....

I let this conversation be tucked away in the funny story section of my brain and finished dinner.  The next day, out of no where Gianna makes the exact same statements, as well as the day after that. Curiosity has me at this point so I sit her down for a heart to heart. Honestly, I felt bad about myself. I thought maybe she sees the stress I have been under lately, maybe I have been extra snappy, maybe she thinks it's all work and no fun...Maybe I am a bad mom...ouch...What if she thinks I am a bad mama.... This broke my heart....I sat her down anyways prepared to hear the worse.

I said, "Gigi why don't you want to be a mama?"

Gigi looking so incredibly innocent begins, " Well you know how Jay's grandma got old and died?"

"Yes Gigi she was very old and she did die."

Gi, "Well Jays Grandma was a mommy too just like Grandma Gina is your mommy right?

Me, "Yep"

Gi, "Well mommies have kids and then they grow up and the mommy gets old. Mommies get old and then they die, so I'm not having any kids so I don't get old and die."

Then the tears came on.... Gigi, "Please don't get old and die mommy, I'd miss you so much, you're the best mommy ever, please don't get old and die!"

My heart was in my stomach, her worries were worse than mine. What do you say? Do I lie and say I'd never die? Do I break her heart and say every one dies? ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

So I hugged her....

Me, "Gianna, mommy loves you and your brother and sisters more than anything in the world. You are the reason I want to live as long as I can! I promise you that I will do everything I can to live until YOU are a grandma and longer, but no matter what- my love is always in your heart, even if I am not with you."

So serious, what will she say, my mind spinning!!!

Gi, "OK, your still young anyways mom, can I have an Oreo?"

Me, "yes, have three...while mommy makes a drink..."

Kids are exhausting...

I am now being very cautious to not comment that I feel old, getting old or anything close to that nature. I proved my young-ness with a day trip to the Ocean with the kiddos today. The morning started off wonderfully, everyone helping gather things, getting dressed and loaded. The care ride was a blast as we all sang every song that came on, dancing and changing the words to make the kids laugh. The babies slept almost all the way there and seemed to enjoy the music especially I Love Rock n Roll, classic! Just as we pulled up to the wharf for lunch Ty realizes that one of his jobs that morning was not done...One job, no biggy right? WRONG! Not making sure the stroller is in the van is a cardinal error with twins when there is a lot of walking in store.  I was proud of myself for not being snappy... I told him the importance of following through and that we now could not possibly walk Cannery Row but we'd make the best of it, and we did...

Tried to get the twins to look

so I moved, and so did they.

The twins have been to the ocean before but this was the first time they "got it". You could see the amazement in their sparkling eyes and it just melted my heart. I love seeing things for the first time again through the kids and today was amazing.

We were able to get up close and personal with these stinky guys and the kids ate it up! They began barking, then the twins started barking back. The sea lions looked up at the twins like, "whhhhhaaaat?"

The twins were as equally shocked by them.

Penny just kept barking and saying, "mom, mom, mom, Ty, mom, Ty"

Charlie held on pretty tight to Paris. Maybe she thought we were tossing her over but she too kept barking back and laughing when the sea lions would bark in her direction.

I imagine Charlie to be like, "Mom, are you freaking seeing this? Why don't these dogs have hair?

I am in love with this expression... She is so inquisitive, I can see her figuring it all out...Angelic in my book.

Then it was time for lunch!

My kids love to eat, especially sea food, so they were in heaven as the waiter brought out some calamari.

Penny was flirting with surrounding tables. She made quite a few friends. I am always proud of my kids in public. They may be wild animals at home but always so well behaved in public. We had two separate tables come over to tell me how well behaved my children were. I was a proud mama...Manners means a lot to me and the neighboring table was cracking up listening to Gigi instruct Charlie to keep her napkin on her lap, and elbows off the table. Charlie looked at her then barked and threw a fork.... Gigi sighed, picked up the fork and restarted her instruction...Wonder where she gets that from...

Gigi has to be the happiest child I have ever met. She does not know a stranger and there is always fun to have.

I think all of my girls are beautiful of course as all parents do but there is something about Paris. She puts off a confidence that I have never bestowed. I am jealous of her amazing self esteem, without being a brat. I look at her and catch myself just thinking of how beautiful she really is. Her heart is so warm and loving and I really think that just shines through her.

Next stop the beach, after all what else can you do without a stroller?

Well sand was a success...for two minutes...

Charlie instantly examined it, where as Penny had to think about it first. It's amazing to see the difference in their personalities even in the simplest things.

Two minutes in, Penelope realized, "Sand is Yucky, I don't like it, I will scream until this mom person picks me up and cleans me off...sssssccccrrreeeaaammmm!"

Charlie ended up sitting right next to me eating snacks and scrunching her toes in the sand. Penny sat on my lap, careful not to let her toes slip off my lap and ate snacks. They loved watching the big kids run in the sand, watching the waves crash and the birds scoping out their snacks. They giggled, gave kisses and finally charlie just stood holding on to my arm, yelling, "TY Ty TY Ty"

Me and Penny...I think

A broken, scraped up, slimy shell that was purely beautiful in Paris's eyes

Me and my Charlie, after seeing this one I am more certain the above was Penny. In person its pretty easy to tell them apart but Penny is starting to catch up to Charlie and Ive been caught quite a few time lately calling to the wrong baby, especially in pictures or from a distance.

My world 

My loves

My reason for wanting to make this world better.

After a sand filled play day that turned in to three soaked, sand filled kids; I had to wash them off with bottles of water and strip them down. I ended up running into Target and buying them all Jammies for the ride home. By the time we hit Pacheco Pass Charlie was beyond tired and needed out of her seat. Fortunately my mother in law lives close so we were able to stop and have a nice visit, while giving the babies time to unwind and prepare for the remaining drive home.

This is Rusty.. My brother in law... Slightly spoiled....

So far 2014 is starting strong. We have so many things in the works right now that I will be sharing when the time is right but for now we are setting our New Years Resolutions. Last year mine was to take more photos of my kids and document our lives. I ROCKED IT!

This year the Richards family made these resolutions:

Josh: "I will beat my kids more" lol The kids walk all over him, so I'm thinking, no... 

Ty: "Improve my drum skills"

Paris: "To make the world a better place by picking up trash on the ground."

Gigi: "To make my hair grow"...... (I think she will probably accomplish this one)

Charlie: "ba ba"

Penny: "....." She is more of the strong silent type but I'm sure it was a good one

As for myself I am going to work on something that I openly admit to sucking at all the time.  I will take steps to being a better wife. I will remember my husband needs me, just as my kids do and his time is just as important. I am going to make 2014 the year to strengthen the ties we already have and make him a priority... My close friends already know how I struggle with balance within my immediately family, so this will really be a challenge but I know the rewards will be great.

I hope you all make a little note to self to better something in some way, even if it's selfish intentions it's bound to benefit others even if it simply makes you more pleasant to be around!

2014, I'm so ready for you, hit me with your best shot....but not to hard, I'm fragile...

Much Love!